Why I Contemplated Suicide

Seeking Purpose Today

The heaviness of that title ways on me. As if its too heavy to share. Too much to lay down at the worlds feet. In reality, it is to heavy not to be put down. It is too much not to let out and what I have learned is to important to keep inside.

I had thought about ending my life years ago. The suffering I was enduring seemed to be beyond my capacity any longer, I needed to be set free. I was day after day trying to drink myself to death. I went on rampage after rampage against myself and others in hopes that something, someone would end me and I would not wake up again.

Day after day for years I was in the darkest of places, there felt like no hope. I needed to die.

So I did. I died, just not in the way I…

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