Bar jokes for English majors

I love this! I want to know why he named his glass eye Ralph. 😉

bluebird of bitterness

❧ A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

❧ A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

❧ An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

❧ Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

❧ A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

❧ Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

❧ A question mark walks into a bar?

❧ A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

❧ Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a war. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”

❧ A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on…

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How to Publish with KDP: Part Twenty-One

Story Empire

Image courtesy of bigstock.com

Hello SErs. Harmony here.  As promised, here is  part twenty-one in the post series dedicated to taking a step-by-step look at how to get your finished manuscript from your computer and on sale on Amazon in both ebook and paperback.

Sad to say, this is the final installment of the How to Publish to KDP series of posts. I have a tear in my eye as I type this:Download Crying Face Emoji Icon | Emoji Island

If you’d like to take a look back at the previous posts in this series, please click on the links at the end of this post.

So, here’s Part Twenty-One: How to check your sales reports, and do lots of other cool stuff from your KDP dashboard.

First up, open your KDP dashboard, where all your books are listed.

As well as your bookshelf, you have a few options:

  • Reports
  • Community
  • Marketing
  1. Reports:

This shows by default…

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Bye Bye 2020, Hello 2021

Nicholas C. Rossis

2020 review - funny 2020 meme | From the blog of Nicholas C. Rossis, author of science fiction, the Pearseus epic fantasy series and children's book

As Tracey Hirt of Bored Panda points out, 2020 reads like a kindergartner’s first attempt at fiction:

Um, so first an entire continent was on fire. But then there was this disease, and everyone forgot about that. So then the whole world had to stay home. And school was canceled for the year. And a bunch of people got real mad about stuff. And, um….um…BAM! Murder hornets!

We love to hate 2020. The pandemic, lives lost, things we took for granted disappearing like morning dew from a leaf. All we’re left with, it seems, is divisions, limitations, discomfort. And loss. If we had to sum up 2020 in one word, it would be loss.

And yet, that’s only half the story. Yes, I lost my freedom to eat out but had work, thanks to the wonderful people of InSync Media.

I lost my dad but he went in the best…

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How to Effectively Manage Multiple Narrators in Your Novel – by Ken Brosky…

Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog

on Jane Friedman site:

I read a book recently that will remain unnamed. The book was entertaining, and at its core was a pretty darned good mystery with some fantastic twists that made the ending a payoff for the ages. I enjoyed it from start to finish.

But I just couldn’t shake some negative feelings about the narration. This particular book, you see, was entirely first-person narration (“I did this, I did that, I thought this,” etc.) with a crucial tweak: multiple narrators. This meant each chapter had a different character telling a different scene in the story. In this case of this book, all the narrators were suspects in a murder. And as the clues fell into place, it became clear that every one of the narrators was keeping secrets … and could ultimately be the murderer.

But here’s the thing that kept bugging me: all the narrators sounded…

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The Indie Author’s Ultimate Guide to Book Distribution — by AskALLi Team…

Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog

on Self Publishing Advice:

Writing a book is quite an endeavour, but once you’ve got it edited, and you’re ready to put it into the world, how do you actually do that? There’s so many options from exclusivity, to wide marketing, there’s aggregators and going direct to distributors. In this week’s Alliance of Independent Authors ultimate guide, we’re covering book distribution.

Before we start, let’s clarify what we actually mean when we say distribution:

Distribution refers to the process and logistics of making your book available to the consumer.

Get Full Details HERE

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Welcome to Day 2 of “THE ENIGMA THREAT” Release Blog Tour! @enigmaseries @1rburkey @4WillsPub @RRBC_Org #RRBC

Shirley Harris-Slaughter

THE ENIGMA THREAT Release Blog Tour!

Giveaways:

(1) $25 Amazon gift card

(10) e-book copies of the “shorts” in the Enigma series

It is with pleasure that I present to you The Enigma Threat Release Blog Tour of Breakfield and Burkey. Here is …

4Wills Tour Day 2

Breakfield and Burkey wanted to share what’s behind a series based on cyber-crime?
Breakfield & Burkey are experienced techno-geeks with education and professional careers at leading technology manufacturers. Initially, our business leaders felt we were well-suited to consult and delivering analytical reviews of technology and processes. We conducted many workshops for customers and partners, were named top subject matter experts for several years and contributed to many white papers separately and with teams.

This activity led to our being asked to complete technical books, non-fiction, for publication. Good books but outdated nearly after they were published. After Burkey started writing the first…

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Seek First

Seeking Purpose Today

We pour deeply from our cups into the known of a civilization that “rewards” us for such diligent perspirations towards a better civilization, with more tools to build a bigger more powerful civilization. To what end does this constant work, this constant pouring of ourselves ever return in a true fulfillment of our most humble desire.

I continue to seek in all that I do, on some levels we are all seeking. What we seek will and does determine the level of our fulfillment in this life.

Those that seek power find a never quenched thirst for more power.

Those that seek money find a bottomless pit of desire for more money.

Those that seek happiness find a perversion of happiness in pleasurable things, until they rot from with in.

Rumi says, “What you are seeking, is seeking you.” I know this because its a magnet on my moms refrigerator…

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Show Me the Money: Royalties, Rights & Riches for Indie Authors – by Erika Liodice…

Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog

on Writer Unboxed:

I made my independent publishing debut back in 2011, and if this journey has taught me anything it is that realistic expectations are critical to a productive, rewarding experience. Back then, “indie publishing” was still relatively new and largely untested. Indie wunderkinds, like Amanda Hocking, were making headlines for earning millions overnight. Many authors flooded in, hoping to cash in on the Kindle gold rush. Some did very well and others ended up disappointed.

Since then, we’ve all learned a lot about the independent publishing space, and it’s become a legitimate way for writers to make a name for themselves and reach readers. We’ve seen the arrival of career indies who are in it for the long haul as well as traditionally published authors who have crossed into hybrid territory to reap the benefits of both models.

Continue reading HERE

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